Hail To Our Brave, Manly College Republihawks

You see, they'd *love* to go fight in Iraq, but they're too busy performing other extremely vital acts of national service like walking four abreast across campus with the word "BUSH" spelled out letter by letter on their chests, and being "a fighter...with words." ("I know I'm going to be [more effective] staying here," elaborated the manly and macho Republican in question, and I am sure that your basic seasoned lifer sergeant would heartily agree with him.) Besides, they just got into a really great business school.

There is nothing more pathetic than watching nakedly self-deluded people brag about themselves ("We're the big guys"). This isn't a political party, it's a therapy group for grandiose narcissists that's missing its facilitator. ("What's that? You say you've got a 'nagging shoulder injury'? Do you think nagging shoulder injuries are a bar to service? Do you think nobody in the army ever hurt their shoulder? I'd like to hear an answer on this, young man...") Funny thing that Republicans love to complain about the inculcation of self-esteem among schoolchildren, because when they open their yaps, they demonstrate that they themselves are the very disease which they fear: spoiled, outrageously self-loving babies who think they're men because they walk around with "BUSH" written on their chest.

Save me.