No, you may not!

Fellow Iolani graduates! If you have not already responded to the two emails and at least one postcard begging you to update your profile with the people at B.C. Harris for this upcoming Alumni directory...do so. Call the toll-free number and update your profile, for two reasons.

First, they'll get off your case about it. At least, I hope they will.

Second, you'll get to listen to the person on the other end of the line grow increasingly puzzled as you say "No" every time they ask if they can list additional information. It was fun; I got the feeling that the questions weren't really designed with "No" in mind. For example, "Your Iolani Alumni Directory will cross-reference people by job title and business address as well. May I have your job title?"

"No."

"Uh. Okay. So. Uh. That would be no business address as well, then." The sound of frantic typing. Then, back on script: "We'll also cross-reference alumni by occupational field--doctors, lawyers, what have you. May I have your occupation?"

"No."

And so on. She regained her composure and headed on to the real purpose of the call, which was...of course...to give me the "opportunity" to purchase this fantastic whiz-bang thing. I didn't want to string the poor girl along, because I got the postcard that said the thing was going to start at $75 for the plain vanilla edition and head north from there for the Super Deluxe Platinum CD-ROM edition. "Can Iolani count on your support with a purchase of the deluxe directory?"

"No."

That one really threw her. I felt a little sorry for her--she's obviously just trying to do her job, and she probably gets a big fat commission for each directory she sells. I'm not suggesting that you make the call specifically to torture these people...oh, wait, yeah I am...but make the call.

(Note that I was in no wise MEAN to the poor thing. I just kept saying "No," and at a certain point I think she knew that she wasn't going to make a sale.)