Twenty-five signs...

Terry sent this along today. Most of it is humorous, although I find number two more puzzling than funny. Why would it be out of the question in the middle of the day? I can't imagine a circumstance where that would be the case so categorically. I mean, say it's Saturday and the kids are out of the house or something.

I have unbowdlerized the cusses.

Twenty-five signs you have grown up.

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.


2. Having sex in the middle of the day is out of the question.


3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.


4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.


5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.


6. You watch the Weather Channel.


7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up".


8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.


9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."


10. You're the one calling the police because those goddamn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.


11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.


12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.


13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.


14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.


15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.


16. You take naps.


17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.


18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,rather than settle, your stomach.


19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.


20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good s***."


21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.


22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."


23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.


24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.


25. When you find out your friends are pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking "Oh no, what the hell happened?"

Bonus: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it and do the same.