Strange Brouhaha

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Open Letters

To the guy in the tiny little Ford Focus, zooming down the street, gangsta rap blaring: no, you're not cool. You're not badass. It doesn't make your dick bigger. How do I know this? When it was me zooming down the street in my Escort, it didn't make me cool or badass either.

To the guy in the minivan who busted a U in front of me while we were driving Lani to school: See that thing on the steering column of your stupid-ass burb-box? Yeah, on the left-hand side, close enough to reach out and touch while you're driving? It's called the TURN SIGNAL, you moron. If you're gonna make a U-turn like an idiot in the middle of the street in front of a school, with traffic stacked up behind you and cars coming in the opposite direction and kids all over the place, so that you can park in the bus loading zone where you're clearly NOT supposed to park, at least use the turn signal. You know, to signal that you're turning. The other thing that I wanted to tell you is that you should know that the turning radius on those minvans is horrible, so it was really funny to see you totally not clear the curb and have to back out and try again.

To the different guy in the different minivan who turned in front of me while we were driving Lani to school: When you're making a right turn out of a parking lot, convential wisdom suggests that you look to the LEFT, the direction whence traffic issues. I noticed that you were looking to the right when you turned, which makes very little sense to me, because I would think that you'd want to see that my car is about to hit your van.

To people who are not handicapped who park in handicapped spots: Putting your hazard lights on when you park in a handicapped spot is neither the moral nor the legal equivalent of actually having the little sticker or hanger that allows you to park in these spots. "I'm just running in for a second," is also not a valid excuse. (Full disclosure: I parked my car in a handicapped spot last week when Savannah dropped me off at work.)

To people who park in clearly-marked NO PARKING zones: Putting your hazard lights on and leaving the engine running does not mean that you are not parking.


  • (Savannah) Just in case anybody was confused by the sentence "*I* parked my car in a handicapped spot last week when *Savannah* dropped me off," you should know that when I drop him off, it means that I ride to work with him, he parks and gets out, and then I get in the driver's seat and drive away. That probably seems needlessly complicated, but for various reasons (a driving phobia I had for a while, Lani's insistence that I sit in the back seat with her whenever possible, and the fact that there's usually so much junk in the passenger seats that I'm the only one who can fit in them), we've gotten so accustomed to him being the one to drive that we do it even when it's just the two of us and it's not 'necessary' (aka there's no Lani going 'SIT WITH ME' and I'm not currently insane). It actually is pretty dumb though. For example, today, after we said goodbye to Lani on the playground and went back to the car, it was really dumb that we herded lemming-like into our familiar spots, thus forcing us to park at Esker so I could switch seats. I think there's a lesson for psych majors, economic planners, and those who would sit in judgment of the "behaviors" of refugees and the homeless--human beings are NOT rational.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:27 AM  

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