Strange Brouhaha

Monday, May 16, 2005

Attention, Foreign Countries Who Do Not Like Us

Stop with the delusional belief that attacking us with overwhelming force will teach us a lesson. (You need to go nine paragraphs down.)

Here we have a Chinese military person laying out the reasoning that has broken empires in the past: All we gotta do is show the Americans we mean business, and they'll crawl away. (In this case, they're threatening to sink an aircraft carrier.)

Please. People. This has NEVER WORKED. Why do you keep thinking it's such a great idea? This was the rationale behind the attack on Pearl Harbor: We'll just show the Americans we mean business and teach 'em a good lesson and scare 'em, and they'll snap shut like a turtle!

Which is why, on December 8, 1941, we immediately declared war on everything from Mercury to Neptune and went nuclear (literally, although it took a few years) on everyone's ass.

The same reasoning was used on 9/11, to intimidate the hated Americans. And whereas I find the administration's response to be woefully stupid, self-defeating and cruel--attacking third parties, setting up medieval jails--it has nonetheless been right in line with our national character. It has been all-encompassing ("The War On Terror"), relentless, and supremely aggressive. The fact that it's been misdirected and mishandled this time should not disguise its connection to the historical pattern. This is Roosevelt's exact World War II policy, except crafted by a moron. A moron with issues. Well, that's another post.

So anyhow, Chinese people: what is this about making us go away by sinking an aircraft carrier? That is the dumbest thing you could possibly do! Here's the truth: most Americans don't give a shit about Taiwan. Just like we didn't give a shit about Europe or the Japanese Empire back in the 1930s, or the issues of the Middle East in the 1990s. But we do give a shit about our aircraft carriers, symbols of national pride and strength--just as we gave a shit about the Old Arizona (battleship!) and the Twin Towers. For the last time: DO NOT GO NEAR OUR SYMBOLS!! Have you learned nothing? Defeat us by selling us cheap shoes and building us cheap databases, not by pushing us down in the international schoolyard. Jeez!

I am not saying we *will* kick your ass if you try it. I am saying we will *try* to kick your ass if you try it, which is really much worse for all concerned. So please: don't grab Taiwan. *Buy* Taiwan. *Erode* it. *Absorb* it. And leave our aircraft carriers alone.

Yours sincerely, a concerned American for peace.


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