Strange Brouhaha

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Tiger At Augusta

Tiger Woods just hit a long birdie at 18 to win a sudden-death playoff against Chris DiMarco at the Masters. This is Tiger's fourth Masters title, and his ninth major tournament victory. He is the youngest-ever player to reach nine majors, and he is halfway to Arnold Palmer's record 18 majors. Given that Tiger is 29, I think he'll easily break the record for most victories at Augusta, whatever it is. (Nicklaus with 6?)

I don't particularly like golf, and I don't particularly like Tiger Woods. (For great golf reading, pick up anything at all by John Feinstein.) I don't give a damn whether he wins anywhere else, but in Augusta, I want him to win as much as possible. And I want him to kiss his girlfriend, too. I noticed that ABC cut away--does that really still not play in the South?


  • (Ham) I think Tiger was the only black man I saw all day on that coverage. I don't think I saw any black spectators, did anybody else? Vijay Singh doesn't really count.

    I was also somewhat surprised not to see more air time given to Tiger's wife, as good looking as she is; his kookily-dressed mom got more screen time. Seems like showing his wife would be just what the director ordered: the nice sexual reward for outstanding athletic performance -- you too could get a woman this hot!! If only you played golf this well!! But we can all be vicariously happy for Tiger, can't we?

    CBS sure showed enough college cheerleaders during the NCAA tournament, so it's pretty clear that CBS really don't have any scruples about playing the sexy woman card. So, why not this time? Maybe you're right about the black man with his white wife. It's surprising though, considering how wide and national the audience is; it's not only being shown in the south. But maybe CBS just has to step up and suck whatever dick Augusta waves in its face if they want to continue to get the broadcast contract.

    I've played some golf in my life, and it's usually a bunch of cavemen who dress up nice and pretend to be civilized, but it isn't so -- it's just a bunch of overly competetive men preening about. Behind all of the nice-looking coverage, golf (and especially golf in the South) is just about as ugly it gets.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:13 AM  

  • When I was in high school, a girl in my homeroom was on the golf team, and she was crying in school because a man had had a heart attack on the course the day before while her team was practicing and his party literally did not care. He was lying there, and they figured the caddies could go take care of it and meanwhile they'd keep playing.

    In college, one of my floormates started dating a guy on the golf team, and her roommate was totally shocked to hear him bragging one night about how he had this girl eating out of the palm of his hand and so on.

    So you're saying that these are not aberrations, but rather the heart and soul of the golfing experience?

    By Blogger Savannah, at 12:07 PM  

  • (Ham) It's the heart and soul of those obsessed with golf. Golf itself is just fine; it can be a nice, enjoyable experience if you're not too serious about it. What could be nicer? You're away from traffic, other people for four or five hours, you have a little fun, a little fresh air... It can be a bit pricey, but if you can afford it, again, what could be nicer.

    Unfortunately, golf attracts those who just really seem to be cocks. I don't know why this is. I'm generalizing, of course, but it seems to get more than its fair share of unpleasant people. There's so much hauteur and snobbery surrounding it.

    It's accessible competition for the masses. Anybody can do it: the athleticly-disinclined, alcoholics, sloths, etc. This ain't no track and field, where you actually need to do something and have some ability. And so any time you get that, you get a bunch of ugliness. But then throw in the fact that it's somewhat cost-prohibative -- only the fairly wealthy can afford to do it regularly. So, when you get wealthy people, who are probably fairly driven and cut-throat already (self-selectively wealthy, if you follow), thrown together for a good bit of competition, all bets are usually off as far as decorum and civility go. It's a shame you can't cut the heads off of the other guys in your foursome and mount them on stakes on your manicured front lawn when you beat them on the last hole.

    Plus, after each round you get to strut around in big sad circle jerk with your friends (buddies, in golf jargon) about how fabulous your swing is, and how low your handicap is and how much pussy you're getting at home or on the side.

    Golf is the last, best refuge for any beaten and insecure man to prove himself.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:36 PM  

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