Uh...

You ever sit and stare at the keyboard for half an hour wondering what to say? Ever troll the Internet, desperately looking for something to complain about? Ever just feel too tired to complain? Or, really, to make any effort at all?

There's a new Ed McBain book coming out. The last one, called "The Frumious Bandersnatch," was...well, I don't remember what it was. I remember thinking that it was a bit too nudge-nudge wink-wink, but that it was still Ed McBain. He hasn't gone downhill nearly as much as, say, Clive Cussler (who has another Dirk Pitt book out, God help us all). McBain is always pretty reliable; some books are better than others, but you can't really say "Aw, his books from the 70s are better" because a bunch of them from the last decade or so have been very good. I can't even pick a favorite 87th Precinct book. Dunno whether that's good or bad.

I have a deadline coming up, and nothing to write for it. The Village Playhouse of Wauwatosa's short play contest entry deadline is "postmarked by the 15th." My entries last year were, I thought, pretty good--but unsuitable. Maybe I've mentioned this before, but they basically don't have a stage! It makes for a writing challenge, although it also really makes you focus on dialogue and characterization, because you can't rely on props and staging to make your play for you. (My Blitz play, I think, relied heavily on the actors being able to carry off stage business.) I've been trying to come up with ideas, but I seem to be stuck in this supernatural rut, which is really annoying.

Did I ever mention that I finally got around to listening to the remastered "A Love Supreme" that was released a few years ago? I was hoping for some kind of stunning revelation, but it really wasn't there. Still worth getting, if you're a Coltrane fan, but don't expect a "wow!" experience.

I bought a Rubik's cube a few weeks ago. I got my solution time down to 1:30-1:45, but that's not fast enough! I used to be able to solve it in under a minute, and I came across a web site with videos of a woman solving a cube in under...wait for it...under 17 seconds. (She's a former Czech champion cuber.)

Uh...

You ever sit and stare at the keyboard for half an hour wondering what to say? Ever troll the Internet, desperately looking for something to complain about? Ever just feel too tired to complain? Or, really, to make any effort at all?

There's a new Ed McBain book coming out. The last one, called "The Frumious Bandersnatch," was...well, I don't remember what it was. I remember thinking that it was a bit too nudge-nudge wink-wink, but that it was still Ed McBain. He hasn't gone downhill nearly as much as, say, Clive Cussler (who has another Dirk Pitt book out, God help us all). McBain is always pretty reliable; some books are better than others, but you can't really say "Aw, his books from the 70s are better" because a bunch of them from the last decade or so have been very good. I can't even pick a favorite 87th Precinct book. Dunno whether that's good or bad.

I have a deadline coming up, and nothing to write for it. The Village Playhouse of Wauwatosa's short play contest entry deadline is "postmarked by the 15th." My entries last year were, I thought, pretty good--but unsuitable. Maybe I've mentioned this before, but they basically don't have a stage! It makes for a writing challenge, although it also really makes you focus on dialogue and characterization, because you can't rely on props and staging to make your play for you. (My Blitz play, I think, relied heavily on the actors being able to carry off stage business.) I've been trying to come up with ideas, but I seem to be stuck in this supernatural rut, which is really annoying.

Did I ever mention that I finally got around to listening to the remastered "A Love Supreme" that was released a few years ago? I was hoping for some kind of stunning revelation, but it really wasn't there. Still worth getting, if you're a Coltrane fan, but don't expect a "wow!" experience.

I bought a Rubik's cube a few weeks ago. I got my solution time down to 1:30-1:45, but that's not fast enough! I used to be able to solve it in under a minute, and I came across a web site with videos of a woman solving a cube in under...wait for it...under 17 seconds. (She's a former Czech champion cuber.)

Have we lost our...forget it.

RFID passports.

RFID is okay for inventory purposes, which is sort of what it's designed for, but bad, bad, bad for anything else. I will break it down very simply for you: everything that the people who think that this is a massively stupid idea are saying is correct. Everyone who says anything remotely positive about this idea is wrong. It's as easy as that.

I'm in no way suggesting that you microwave your passport, but RFID chips are susceptible to that sort of thing.

Some Random Thoughts

• Okay, it's back on, damn you. Remember how I crossed "Phantom" off the list? The trailer for "Phantom" was in front of "Alexander," which we saw today, and I grudgingly put it back on because it looks pretty good. It sounded wrong, because they had to lower the Phantom's songs to match the singer's key--he's not the tenor that Michael Crawford is--so I'll be interested to hear the rest of the soundtrack.


• Hey, hey, hey. The trailer for "Fat Albert" is mildly humorous. Especially the part with Bill Cosby. Now, I'm not saying that you should go see it, but at least the commercial is entertaining. I saw it on TV.


• Give the ball to Marty! Speaking of TV, Comedy Central showed "Not Another Teen Movie" last night, and I found myself watching the whole thing, which is pretty rare for a random movie on television. While it was not what you would call "great," or even "all that good," it was entertaining for its very, VERY thorough skewering of all of the conventions and plot points of most of the Teen Movies of the last few decades. The end is completely worth it. If your library has it, borrow it.


• Was that Art Garfunkel? Well, it sure looked like him, but it wasn't. How was "Alexander?" Well...I don't disagree with CNN's review, which is why I don't have a review of my own for it.

You don't need money for this

My dad told me about Empire Poker, and now I'm telling you. The client is free, and you can play on the "play money" tables for free. I haven't received any spam from them yet, and I ran Spybot after installing the client and it came up clean.

They have real money tables as well, but I know better. As long as you're not entering a credit card number, you're not spending money.

Play is generally loose, of course, because there are no real stakes on the play money tables. You can get more play money. This means that people will generally call a bet under circumstances where you'd fold in a real game, and you'd take a lot of chances that you wouldn't otherwise take--after all, what's 10 fake credits? It's not nearly as bad as it used to be on Yahoo! Games, where every single person would stay in on every single hand and raise to the max bet with nothing.

Happy Thanksgiving

I hope everyone is enjoying or has enjoyed Thanksgiving. We went to The Old Feed Mill in Mazomanie, Wisconsin, and had a super-fantastic Thanksgiving dinner. I went "off the reservation," as they say, and ate some of everything, and it was All Good. It was a buffet, and I ate so much that I couldn't breathe. You would too.

The food was all fresh. No "let's rip open a can of Sysco gravy and dump it into a chafing dish" here. Salad, green beens, stuffing, mashed potatoes and mashed sweet potatoes, fresh cranberry sauce, gravy, turkey, pork and beef, all simply prepared and absolutely wonderful. The stuffing had several different kinds of bread in it--all made at their bakery, no doubt--and was easily the best stuffing I've had in years. I don't even LIKE stuffing, that's how good it was.

I'd rhapsodize about the bread pudding, but I think my family will pound me in the head if I do. Best. Bread. Pudding. Ever.

I was going to make a list of things I'm thankful for, but I couldn't do it without getting all sappy, so instead I'll just suggest, like everyone else, that you think about what you have to be thankful for and leave it at that.

Sauce for the goose

Our Lord and Master, The Mighty Emperor Bush, has decreed that the Ukrainian elections were fraudulent.

Why?

The results don't match the exit polls.

Cool comparison, but ultimately wrong

Consider this: A powerful politician craves ever more power and realizes that he cannot gain full reign while the just and balanced laws of the republic curb his abilities. So he realizes the only way to gain full control is to prod a tense political situation into a full blown war. Under the threat of war he would be able to act freely, using the fear of his populace to throw away freedom after freedom.

George W. Bush? Maybe. Emperor Palpatine? Yes.

The Daily Ghost gives George Lucas too much credit for an ability to craft subtle commentary, first of all, and second of all ignores the fact that the execrable Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones were written well before the 2000 elections, the 2002 midterms, and the attempt by Bush to be a bigger man than his father. They cannot therefore be a commentary of any kind on current events.

Still, it's neat thinking. It's kind of like the "Woman gives birth to JC, savior of the human race" summary that you can apply to "The Terminator."

CNN Needs Writers

I saw this headline on CNN: "FBI: Prejudice fueling hate crimes."

Any comment I could possibly make about this headline would really only be about half of what it deserves. (Oh, okay, okay. Isn't that like saying "Scientists: Water is main component of ocean?")

Tiny Little Morsels

• It would be interesting to find out who put that Soviet-style provision into the spending bill--you know, the one there was the big flap over: it would have allowed the chairmen of the House and Senate appropriations commitees to look at your tax return. Say, I'll bet there were some exemptions to that provision, maybe about 550 of them. I'm glad to see that the politicians can all at least fake outrage. Here I am reminded of Claude Rains in Casablanca.


• Why aren't Ron Artest and Jermaine O'Neal (and maybe even Ben Wallace) in jail? If I punched someone who threw a drink on me, I think I'd get a trip to the big house. If I incited a riot, I think I'd be in the big house for a while.


• Okay, this Kennedy assassination video game sounds mildly interesting...but come on. How would these guys like it if...uh, if...damn, who's a famous Scotsman...if an American development group made a video game where you make Scotty from Star Trek eat too much?


• I've come to the not-terribly-original conclusion that doctors are a lot like computer technicians. Many of you probably know that a computer technician, when all else fails, will tell you to reboot the computer. If you're asked to reboot, that's most likely a sign that the person on the phone with you has no idea what's going on and they're hoping the problem will go away for long enough for them to get rid of you. Similarly, doctors have a default plan when they don't know what's going on. This is prompted by Savannah's current medical woes--the doctor and nurses had essentially no idea what's wrong and they're hoping that antibiotics will hit it. Fortunately, they seem to be.


• What with Thanksgiving, updates may be spotty.

What?????

"We think our software is far more secure than open-source software. It is more secure because we stand behind it, we fixed it, because we built it. Nobody ever knows who built open-source software," he added.

This is something that Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said recently.

Every single open-source program that I've ever seen has the author's name attached. Go through freshmeat and look at all the projects--all of the authors are there. Bigger projects have multiple authors, all named.

But he's talking about building, isn't he, not writing. Who built the copy of MS Word that I'm using? Microsoft. Great. Who built the binary copy of vim that I'm using on my Red Hat Enterprise Linux machine? Red Hat. You know, neither of those things actually tells me much. But wait...who built the copy of vim that I'm using on my Solaris system?

I did.

What a stupid, stupid criticism this is. Part of the whole raison d'etre of open source software is precisely that you can modify and build the source YOURSELF. Worried about security? Check out the code! Got a way to do something better? Modify the code and submit it to the project maintainer! Try and do that with Microsoft Word, go ahead.

It's not only stupid, it's meaningless.

As to the first part...it's more secure because you stand behind it? What does that even mean? "Pay no attention to the buffer overflows, we STAND BEHIND this product?" Believe me, I know that software development is no picnic, and it can't be fun to be in charge of the biggest target in the business, but more holes keep popping up all the time and the turnaround time isn't that great.

Movie quotes

The AFI's latest list is of the top 100 movie quotes. The AFI's lists are hit-or-miss propositions for me, and I'm sure this one will be no different.

For example, I don't think "You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!" is not a great quote. Whatever resonance it has, I think, comes from Jack Nicholson's delivery of the line. Maybe that'll be part of the criteria they use--not just the words, but the performance. As a line, it just seems to kind of...sit there. I don't remember "A Few Good Men" all that well--is that line really anything more than an indicator of how far around the bend Nicholson's character has gone? It's certainly become a part of our cultural landscape--another one of the criteria, no doubt--but is it really important?

Contrast that with "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." That line, cliche though it may have become is the point that the entire thirteen hours of "Gone With The Wind" has been building towards. It caps Rhett and Scarlett's story perfectly, gives Scarlett the one thing she's needed the entire movie, shows how fed up Rhett is, and to top it all off, hearing "damn" in a movie in 1939 was probably the cultural equivalent of seeing Janet Jackson's tit on national television today. It seems important in so many ways, I can't see how there's another quote that's more important.

Some others that are going to have to be on the list to make it at all valid (in my opinion), but weren't in the article:

"Go ahead. Make my day."

"I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille."

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse."

"I coulda been a contender, instead of a bum, which is what I am."

"Let him feel the power of the Quickening!"

Okay, I'm kidding about that last one. That's a line delivered by Sean Connery in the execrable "Highlander 2," and he delivers it so wretchedly that you can tell that all he's thinking is "The paycheck better not bounce."

What are some of your favorites? What criteria do you think the AFI should use, versus what they're going to use? What should be on the list? What shouldn't be?

(I'll give an example of what shouldn't: the article mentions "My precious" by Gollum. Yuck.)

Whahuh?

Okay.

So let's say, for the sake of argument, that I think that green grass is better than brown grass. Imagine that I write something like, "I think green grass is better than brown grass."

Now imagine that a newspaper sees this and publishes a story titled "Jahrling likes green grass." (I know, all you journalism experts, it's a crappy title. Work with me here.) I see the article, read it, and angrily say that I do not in fact like green grass, but rather that I like all kinds of grass and that no one type is better than the other and in FACT, maybe brown grass IS better.

In that spirit, I present tonight's "What the hell?" link, to a CNN story featuring Porter Goss's denials that his CIA memo says that the CIA will back the President. They QUOTE THE MEMO in the article: "We support the administration, and its policies in our work as agency employees. We do not identify with, support or champion opposition to the administration or its policies."

Now, that first sentence can be interpreted as stating that the role of the CIA is to support the work of the administration--in other words, not that it "backs" the President, necessarily, but that the Agency's work is vital to the nation. I'll grant that. But that second sentence is, in my opinion, pretty unambiguous: don't challenge the President.

Also scary? Goss goes on to say that they will "let the facts alone speak to the policymaker". That's policymaker, singular. And since when has "the policymaker" ever been interested in facts? ("No, it's Sweden.")

The article is just chock full of people claiming that the memo does not say what it very clearly says. You know, like when Rumsfeld said, "To my knowledge, I have not seen any strong, hard evidence that links the two," when speaking about Iran and Al Qaeda. He claimed he was "misunderstood."

Yeah, right.

Interesting Illness

I'd like to point those of you who don't read Slashdot on a regular basis to an article on Patrick Volkerding's mystery ailment from today. Patrick is the guy who maintains the best Linux distribution in the entire world, Slackware. Pat's account of his problems is very interesting and well-written.

It's nothing earth-shattering, but I thought it was a good read.

No, you may not!

Fellow Iolani graduates! If you have not already responded to the two emails and at least one postcard begging you to update your profile with the people at B.C. Harris for this upcoming Alumni directory...do so. Call the toll-free number and update your profile, for two reasons.

First, they'll get off your case about it. At least, I hope they will.

Second, you'll get to listen to the person on the other end of the line grow increasingly puzzled as you say "No" every time they ask if they can list additional information. It was fun; I got the feeling that the questions weren't really designed with "No" in mind. For example, "Your Iolani Alumni Directory will cross-reference people by job title and business address as well. May I have your job title?"

"No."

"Uh. Okay. So. Uh. That would be no business address as well, then." The sound of frantic typing. Then, back on script: "We'll also cross-reference alumni by occupational field--doctors, lawyers, what have you. May I have your occupation?"

"No."

And so on. She regained her composure and headed on to the real purpose of the call, which was...of course...to give me the "opportunity" to purchase this fantastic whiz-bang thing. I didn't want to string the poor girl along, because I got the postcard that said the thing was going to start at $75 for the plain vanilla edition and head north from there for the Super Deluxe Platinum CD-ROM edition. "Can Iolani count on your support with a purchase of the deluxe directory?"

"No."

That one really threw her. I felt a little sorry for her--she's obviously just trying to do her job, and she probably gets a big fat commission for each directory she sells. I'm not suggesting that you make the call specifically to torture these people...oh, wait, yeah I am...but make the call.

(Note that I was in no wise MEAN to the poor thing. I just kept saying "No," and at a certain point I think she knew that she wasn't going to make a sale.)

Are we surprised?

Colin Powell is out. Read between the lines of the article, and you'll see that Bush wanted him gone, probably for "disloyalty." Rod Paige is out, too. I can imagine that conversation, where Bush says "Rod, we're bringing on that Mexican fella, and we've still got Condi, so don't take this the wrong way, but get the hell out." After all, although the Reich needs to pay lip service to the idea that all men are created equal, there's such a thing as too much!

CIA purges are going on, too, and you can read about that pretty much anywhere. Up next are the pogroms against anyone who has ever said that Bush is an asshole.

Is it Sunday? It must be Potpourri time!

• When you have to rely on the Packers' defense to close out the game, you know you're in trouble. All of the ass-kicking by the offense was very nearly negated by what has become the usual performance by the defense.


• Clive Cussler needs to stop. Please. I haven't even finished the new Dirk Pitt book, and it's so much worse than the last few...which were already bad.


• VH1 had something called "The 40 Least Metal Moments," meant to complement their "100 Most Metal Moments." Any sane person would pick Jethro Tull winning the first Hard Rock/Heavy Metal Grammy as the, uh, the Most Least Metal Moment. VH1 picks some video of Vince Neil doing a chicken dance.


• Speaking of metal (sort of), Vixen was on "Bands Reunited." This was notable for two reasons. First, there was NO drama. They all said hi, they talked about what happened, then they went out and played. I'd say it was because they were women, but BR had...who was it...Klymaxx on once and it was approximately the nastiest thing ever. It involved lawsuits. Second, some goons were yelling into the camera, "If it wasn't for Vixen, there'd be no Hole!" I dunno, I think L7 and the Runaways (and probably Deborah Harry and maybe even Siouxsie Sioux and probably Wendy O. Williams) might have something to say about that. I leave it as an exercise for the reader to decide whether having Hole is a good thing or a bad thing.


• Is it wrong of me to have really really really wanted to yell at the third person to cut in line in front of me at the grocery store tonight?


• I have nothing coherent to say about the Emperor's promise of a Palestinian state. Support for this is coming from the same quarters that savage Democrats for supporting the idea. I will keep my opinions on the matter to myself.

Do you know Bob Dylan?

So, here's this article from the Salon.com War Room about a high school band called "Coalition of the Willing" getting investigated by the Secret Service because they were going to sing a Bob Dylan song at a concert. The song is "Masters of War," which I'm not familiar with, but it's got some lyrics about killing and such--read the article, watch the little ad.

Anyway, Katherine Mieszkowski ends with this paragraph:

"Paging Bob Dylan! He should offer to give a free concert at the school to thank the "Coalition of the Willing." The students could play back-up. In any case, the clever members of the band will have good fodder for their college application essays."

Great idea! So if you know Bob Dylan, tell him!

"On Golden Pond"

Normally, I'm opposed to stunt casting, but this is good. From the NYT:

"...James Earl Jones is also returning to the New York stage. After a 16-year hiatus from Broadway, he will play opposite Leslie Uggams in a revival of Ernest Thompson's 1979 weeper, "On Golden Pond," due to open April 7 at the Cort Theater on West 48th Street."

In fact, I'm predisposed towards smacking myself for even calling it stunt casting, since James Earl Jones is a multiple Tony Award winner. This should be interesting. You know, as long as P. Diddy isn't going to play the grandson.

Maintain What Now?

Apparently, Emperor Bush now feels the need for a line-item veto. Why? Check out the second paragraph: "to maintain budget discipline."

I think he's a little confused about the definition of the word "maintain."

See, George, in order to maintain something, it has to be there in the first place. Record budget deficits do not, to me, indicate discipline. You jackass.

Bye-bye, Civil Liberties

Well, you know, whichever ones we have left. CNN and AP are both reporting that the odious Alberto Gonzales has been chosen to replace John Ashcroft as Attorney General.

This is the same Gonzales who said, "Sure, go ahead and torture those guys, it's all good." Good Lord, and we thought it couldn't get worse than Ashcroft. Gonzales is going to drive the final stake through the heart of the Bill of Rights.

Of course, I'm willing to bet that it's all a smokescreen. Everybody gets worked up over Mengel...I mean, Gonzales' nomination, writes their Congressional delegation begging them not to confirm his appointment at the hearing. Then his name is withdrawn in favor of someone who is STILL worse than Ashcroft, but maybe not quite so much, and everybody breathes a sigh of relief and we're still screwed.

HP-UX Nameserver Errors

I'm posting this because I ran into a problem today, and the Internet let me down.

I admit that I'm not the smartest guy on the entire planet, especially when it comes to Unix. All of my knowledge is pretty much ad-hoc, seat-of-the-pants type stuff. If I don't use it, it kind of atrophies--the same with pretty much any skill, really. I could do with a few training classes, to be honest, but it would be 90% rehashing what I already know, which would suck.

Anyway, I was having trouble with the DNS system on my new HP-UX machine at work. Whenever I tried to run the aCC or pc compilers, or gcc for that matter, I would get this huge, shouting error message: ERROR: NAMESERVER IS DOWN! There were also some similar problems with the product I was trying to test for work. Google returned no results on the error message.

I knew the nameserver was not down. The /etc/hosts file had the correct information, uname reported correctly, hostname reported correctly. I was able to ping the machine by name. That's pretty much all you can check.

Here's where the atrophy came in. I knew, KNEW, that the problem was that the name resolver wasn't reading /etc/hosts first; rather, it was going out to check the DNS server. That's not a good thing, mainly because the system is not and will not be part of our main corporate DNS--that's IS policy, not some kind of attitude on my part. The problem was, I couldn't remember what exactly controlled that. About the only thing I did know was that resolv.conf had nothing to do with it.

Finally, in desperation, I did a really general search on Google and Google didn't disappoint this time.

If you're ever in this situation because you're dumb like me, have a look at /etc/nsswitch.conf. That file controls a whole bunch of things, including where the resolver looks for information and in what order. If the file doesn't exist, create it (I had to) and add the line "hosts: files dns" (without the quotes, obviously). If it does exist, change the "hosts" line to put "files" first.

After that, you'll be all set.

(Of course, the rev of aCC that I have doesn't work properly, but that's another story.)

Who can answer this question?

I don't even know where to begin to look.

If, by some bizarre miracle, the allegations of shenanigans with the vote turn out to be true, what happens? Since Kerry conceded, he's no longer in the picture, right? Does that leave us with the spectre of Bush getting impeached? And Cheney?

It all seems too horrible to contemplate.

Interesting Web Site

I disagree with some of things that the author of the essay at fuckthesouth.com had to say, mostly the statements about the second amendment and a little bit of the hyperbole about taxation, but it's otherwise worth a read.

Weekend Potpourri

• I took Lani to a weekend event at her Sunday School. We went Saturday afternoon and stayed overnight. I'd really like to say more, but for the first time in my life I don't feel like being overly mean in a public forum, even one which I know none of these people will ever read. I will say that I hate supercilious vegans, though. And people in general. And being in a large group of people I don't know, which also contains a number of supercilious vegans and bratty, churli...uh, I said I wasn't going to be mean. Sorry.



• University of Hawaii quarterback Timmy Chang set the NCAA passing yardage record this weekend, beating Ty Detmer. ESPN, never willing to give a brother a break, said "It took him more games and more attempts, and there's going to be an asterisk in the record book because they're not going to retroactively count Detmer's bowl appearances, and sure, Timmy Chang gets bashed for being a marginal pro prospect, but he should be congratulated." Uh, thanks. Oh, and they have to put in that little dig and say "Heisman Trophy winner Ty Detmer," too.



• Any guesses on how long it's going to be before the Reich declares that Colin Powell is out of a job?



• Speaking of which, I love how they're going to twist the knife on this. Did anyone hear what the planned Fallujah op's code name is? Phantom Fury. Yeah, it's like "Nyah, nyah, fuck you, you know this isn't right and so do we! But we're doing it anyway! Alles in Ordnung!" If you don't get it, I'll be happy to explain. But I'm sure you get it. I guess I shouldn't call it "planned" anymore, since I just saw a headline that says that it started already. It's been planned for months, though. Just like the White House started planning this war right after Inauguration day 2001.



• The new Star Wars trailer leaves me cold. It looks like a computer-animated cartoon. I just hate what George has done. I'm reminded of something that Huxley said about "Brave New World." I wish I could find the quote, but I don't really have time now. Basically, he said that he wasn't going to do anything to "Brave New World" because he was a different person than he was when he wrote it, and it would diminish and dilute the work to change it. He said that he was aware of its flaws, but since he'd be approaching the work with an entirely different mindset and perspective, he wouldn't be changing it for the better. Hint, hint, George Lucas.

Congratulations, George

You won.

Oh, I'm not talking about the election, little man.

I'm talking about the really BIG victory. The victory in the war you've been fighting since you were a kid. You Finally Beat Daddy. You really showed him, and Mommy too. You showed them all. Getting Saddam was really just the first step, showing that you have Bigger Balls Than Daddy. What really twisted the knife was Getting Reelected, wasn't it? You've done the two things that Daddy couldn't do.

It's what your whole life has been about, hasn't it?

Daddy was a war hero, flying planes, so you had to be a war hero too. You know, except for the "war" part. And the "hero" part. Couldn't quite hack even the National Guard--Jesus, even Dan Quayle did THAT, but no, no, too much coke kinda took the zing out of a plain old jet fighter, didn't it?

Daddy was a successful businessman, so you had to be a successful businessman too. You know, except for the "success" part, or at least the way most people define success. But hey, you ran those tax shelters for Daddy's friends, sucking hind tit like Daddy's Good Boy.

(And it was never enough for him or Mommy, was it? "I'll show them," you muttered, coke spoon stuffed up your nose.)

And Daddy was a politician, and you had to be one too. Only you couldn't really do that one by yourself, either, could you? Just like in the Guard, when the Texas political machine pressured your commanders into letting you slide, just like in business when Daddy and his friends made everything okay, you needed a little bit of help in the political arena, too, didn't you? "The architect," indeed.

You had the one thing Daddy didn't have, and that was a ruthless tactician running your campaign. And it made all the difference, didn't it?

The piper's bill is coming due. All of your friends, all of Cheney's friends, Rove's friends, Daddy's friends, they're all going to be expecting payback now for getting you where you are and keeping you there. Sure, you've already paid them off with tax cuts and no-bid contracts, but the thing about these money guys, these guys in the shadows, is that it's never enough. They'll want more.

Pretty soon, there's not going to be any more to give, George. But they won't care.

What's going to happen to you then, George?

Oh, I know, I know, you don't care. You've got "the will of the people" on your side now, and God knows you don't lose sleep at nights thinking about anything. But maybe it's time to start. Where's it going to end?

The President Talks a Good Game

People who are foolish enough to believe the President when he talks about "unity" and "moving forward" would do well to do two things whenever he opens his mouth.

First, remember that he said the same things four years ago and was lying then.

Second, mentally append "unless you're gay" and/or "unless you're black" to pretty much everything he says.

Kerry could have gone down swinging. Instead, he sold out to the President. I'm with Matthew Rothschild on this one.

Post-Election Potpourri

The Rude Pundit did a good job summarizing the election.

I don't know what to think about all of the calls for the abolition of the Electoral College. It'd require amending the Constitution, would it not? The thing about the Electoral College is that it was created to make sure that no one state had more power than any other state. Now, as it is and as we've seen, a single state can still throw the balance to one side or another, but I think that if we went to a straight popular vote, you'd still have that. I know that the Republicans would be scared about that, because it would mean that New York and California would basically decided every Presidential election.

At lunch today, we heard some guys sneering at Kerry's concession speech, over the fact that there was a teleprompter set up. "He can't even make his own speech, he has to read it," was the gist of it. Jesus, at least he CAN read.

I was very disappointed in Kerry's concession speech. This is not the time for unity. I'm not uniting behind some subliterate asshole with two whores for daughters. I wanted Kerry to get up there and say something like "I love this country and all, but what the fuck is wrong with you people? My wife richer than Jesus, I'll be okay, but the rest of you dumbasses...screw you guys, I'm going home. And by the way, fuck you, George. And you, Jim DeMint."

Whatsisname, Joe Scarborough, who is a Republican, said last night that one of the things this election was was a warning to all politicians everywhere. He said something like "With every election, we're told how the youth are energized, the youth are gonna vote in record numbers, the youth are gonna make an impact, and It. Never. Happens. They let you down every time." I thought that was wise. Then they had the irrelevant P. Diddy on who was saying "The youth voted today, the youth made an impact," after all of these numbers that said just the opposite.

Ron Reagan also had a good comment--actually he had a number of them--about how among the losers this election were people who believe in science, except it really loses impact without his tone of voice and facial expression. He also made a great statement about gay marriage, which I forget now so you'll have to take my word for it. He basically came down on it the way I do, which is "What the hell is this doing up for a vote? Legal marriage has nothing to do with 'sanctity'." Of course, what it's doing up for a vote is getting people who would otherwise NOT vote riled up at the thought that some people other than themselves might actually be happy--can't have THAT! LET'S VOTE! (Hey, Jim DeMint: fuck you, you piece of shit.)

The other mindboggling one was the ballot issue from Florida about teen pregnancy, aimed at curtailing privacy rights of pregnant teenagers. I don't care much about abortion, to be honest, but this one is setting up a requirement for parental consent for teenage abortions. As one person put it, this means that kids who become pregnant through incest will have to get their rapists' permission to get an abortion, which is just an abomination. (Hey, Jim DeMint: fuck you, you piece of shit.)

Can anyone at all think of anything GOOD that's going to happen in the next four years? As my friend Matt put it, goodbye house, goodbye job, goodbye car, goodbye college tuition. To which I would add, goodbye Social Security. But hey, fund managers are gonna get rich, and oil companies are gonna get rich, so it's all okay.

Welcome to 1928

As of right this very second, MSNBC just forecast Ohio for George W. Bush, effectively rendering the election over. Even if Kerry takes the rest of the unforecast states, the electoral vote count is tied, the election goes to the House and Bush is reelected.

The only hope is that the forecast for Ohio is wrong. It could be--the voting is not done. There are still absentee ballots to be counted.

The real dark stain on the soul of this nation is the number of states that passed pro-discrimination ballot issues, specifically all of the gay marriage votes. That's one of the reasons why I chose 1928 as the year to welcome you to; apparently, people are okay with codified discrimination again. (And the odious Jim DeMint's victory in South Carolina is not a good sign.)

The other reason I chose 1928 is that there are going to be major economic repercussions coming up over the next few months. With the bill for Bush's "I'm better than my father" war heading north of $200 billion, and the budget deficit heading south, and jobs heading out of the country, something's going to give. And it's going to give hard.

Will the sun come up tomorrow? Sure, of course it will. There were a couple of bright spots, namely the reelection of Russ Feingold here in Wisconsin, and the election of Barack Obama in Illinois. Can you think of any other ones, maybe from your local races?

A day off

I'm taking Tuesday off, from work and from blogging.

Why?

Don't waste your time on the Internet tomorrow. Go vote. Don't let anything dissuade you from voting, be it long lines or scare tactics or the thought that your vote doesn't matter.

(Uh, okay, so before and after we vote, I'll be playing Star Wars Galaxies. But tomorrow night, I'm watching returns. See you Wednesday.)

Need another reason?

I saw an ad on television this morning that defied belief.

Did you know that President Bush heals the sick? We are presented with a girl who "closed herself off emotionally" after losing her mother on 9/11/01, but with the healing touch of George W. Bush, she was renewed.

No, I'm not making this up. No, I'm not being hyperbolic. Yeah, it was pretty sick. The RNC is now claiming that George W. Bush is Jesus.

I'm not going to mention the name of the person in the advertisement, or the website connected with it. I looked at it so you don't have to.